Arthur: Welcome
everybody. It's a great pleasure and privilege to introduce you to Anveshi Jain.
Anveshi is a force, you're
a woman who portrays human strength, proof of, dreams being possible. And the way you communicate
Is just extraordinary
How you connect to your challenges. And honestly,
The
podcast is all around
having
people on that we can learn from.
In
our brief,
Chat
so far, The learnings
you bring have been so clear.
Anveshi: Anveshi
Arthur: is an actress.
You, became
the
most searched woman in India in 2019. Yeah.
Anveshi: Yeah.
Arthur: Let's just take that in.
Now, we can see in the frame-
you know- Oh, a
casual
TED Talk,
Awards.
Anveshi: Awards, yeah. Some social media influencer awards, yep.
Arthur: So just to give an introduction,
You're...
you're
an entrepreneur, you're
an actress quoted as being the sexiest woman in India.
That's
so sweet of you to say ... Your au- audience
of
H- You got about 30 million [00:01:00] subscribers?
Anveshi: approximately that much.
Arthur: Famous overnight after starring in the hit, in 2019,
Alt Balaji's web series- Gandii Baat ... that's
Anveshi: that's
Arthur: In
Season two. Your bold and glamorous role propelled you into
- Nationwide digital stardom, Making you the most Googled actress in India. It's quite a lot of information for people to take in. But
Your story has different chapters, like everyone's, and really portrays the ebbs and flows of life, as well as how
Life
isn't linear.
And sometimes, . looking back, the dots of life make sense.
But
you were brought up to
hide your beauty.
You looked like a very beautiful woman from a young age, growing up in a conservative family, it was encouraged, to hide these looks,
as it were. . You've talked about wanting,
Love and attention and kind of validation from people close to you. Which we can all relate to. Yeah. But you're, you were sadly taken advantage of at different points very early on [00:02:00] to uniquely extreme degrees. At one point,
Were
p- were pretty much broke.
Your
ex
burnt your house down killing your dog.
Depressed, and the doctor said to you, "Listen, we've got medication." And something in you made you think, "No, that's
not gonna be my
way."
Anveshi: Yeah. Wow. You've done your thing.
Arthur: , It's extraordinary because you made three wishes.
One
was I know, sorry,
this is quite dark, but ... it's part of your story.
One
was to
get cancer, and then the others were related to having your dreams come true,
Which
they have done. And sadly, with the
first you've,
you have developed-
Yeah
your condition which
You need
to get checked up every six months.
Anveshi: Yeah, man. Manifestation is a very dangerous word if it is not used correctly.
Arthur: Yeah ... yeah,
Anveshi: it was a very hard time. It still is actually sometimes when I have to go to the doctor, and [00:03:00] then we do a mammography.
And then each time it's just a very difficult situation because that's something that you have to live with and be very careful about the body.
. Because I'm, as a person, is not very aware- of my own body and things.
I'm
just casual.
.
Anveshi: This one thing, if there is any kind of discomfort, slight pain or something that I feel is not okay, immediately I have to just go get checked because that, that fear is always there.
Arthur: feel is not okay, immediately I will just go get checked because that, that fear is always there.
You were at breaking point and it's, for anyone wanting to really dive into the story you've done an amazing TED Talk.
Yeah. What was the TED Talk, just to remind me?
Anveshi: I've done about five TED Talks. Okay. Each time there has been different topics. Yeah. The two most resonating ones that I'm quite proud of- ... to give was, one was sex education in youths. The other one that I did recently was about touch starvation in men.
Arthur: So
Anveshi: the title was We Don't Really Know The Men We Love.
Arthur: Extraordinary. Your
story we're gonna cover a lot today, but- Yes. For me, [00:04:00] you are a portrait, a story, a woman who... You've created your own world despite having real forces
telling
You
can't
have X and Y.
You have been determined to have your dreams come true.
But drawing back to the, the, the more difficult times,
there
were 720
failed auditions,
and
then, boom. Yeah.
Your
world changed. Yeah. And look at you now.
But, with the success
the, tide changed.
Were you always connected to a sense of self-trust, or had you totally lost it? No.
Anveshi: This is one thing that I never let go of. No matter even if I'm jumping off a cliff, having my life at a gunpoint, this is one thing that I would never really give up on because it just over a period of time when I was very confused and uncertain about who I am and what I'm capable of, the kind of reading that I've done to myself while writing, journaling, while [00:05:00] listening to Oprah Winfrey and some other very significant people,
Arthur: it
Anveshi: gave me a...
It gave me such an inherent faith within myself. And even though I needed some- somebody to actually hold my hand and let me know that I am good enough and I can do it and I'm capable. That did really help, but even when there was no one, that's one thing that I could never imagine feeling, that I'm abandoning myself or questioning myself or doubting myself.
If at all there is something, that's just
the fact that it's g- there's wait, there's longer wait than I expected it to be. The life trajectory hasn't really been the way I thought it would be looking at the
Arthur: vast
Anveshi: success and the audience that I have had. And I have been in doubtful times, blamed myself for not doing enough, for being too comfortable,
Arthur: for
Anveshi: easing out a little.
But I know having said that and having been in
a position like that, I know one day there will be time when [00:06:00] I'll have my... Everything that I want again with everything that I have
been
so far
Arthur: Was there a person , that really helped form that self-trust, and trust in, i- in your surroundings growing up? Everybody.
Anveshi: Honestly from the very beginning there might have been few incidents and lessons of life, but then even those people, including the person who burned my house down, all of these people were so wonderful and kind to me when everything was going really well. Not to say that I'm coloring them all good, but the fact that anybody and everybody who's actually been a part of my life has only boosted my self-worth and confidence and taught me good things about self-love and everything else.
So I can't really name one person, but everyone including
including my parents today.
Of course,
When I was younger
And like
In that stage where I was lost, they didn't know what to do with me. They didn't know what's good for me. But now that I have [00:07:00] proved that I can be the person I s- I say I wanna be, they have shown tremendous faith in me as well.
So I think everybody who's come along has
Arthur: really
Anveshi: put in that faith in me, including... if at all there's one person, that would be my brother. Pranjal has actually supported me a lot.
Arthur: What's
striking
is, I think at
the end of the day, we all need to
back ourselves. Yeah.
We
Need to all be our own sponsor.
Yeah. If
you're gonna get anywhere in life, you need to,
It's only gonna be down
to you
right?
Anveshi: It's only gonna be down to you, right? Now-
Arthur: Did you
always know that? No.
Anveshi: that? No. I'm
Oh
my God and are the, the kind of... It's... Wow. Fantastic questions, honestly, and
Because
I've had the opportunity to have a conversation with you yesterday as well, and then the way you pick something from something that I say is so incredible.
It's beautiful. Because this is the question I didn't even know I wanted to be asked.
I
I,
of [00:08:00] all the people that I've known, is a very simple yet extremely
Arthur: childlike
Anveshi: expectations and behaviors and world I come from.. Self-sufficiency was never really my first option to go to. I always thought that I'll be able to manifest people, boyfriends or mentor in such a way where they can actually guide me through. And when I say guide me through, it's like, show me a path
And tell me how to go about it, because I really didn't know how to actually do it on my own, and it did really happen up to an extent.
I always wanted to have someone holding my hand, someone showing me some fate. And then they did, but there was also a time when I realized that, you know what, I'm counting on other people or someone to take care of me so much that I'm also maybe lagging behind, and I'm giving my power to someone else.
And this realization happened up until
Very
recently, like as recent as two years back, when I've had some hard lessons to learn, to realize that [00:09:00] never to really count on someone else to actually always be there for you or guide you or provide you with the right ambition, right goals, right things, right suggestions.
Arthur: And
Anveshi: now I think I'm learning to be okay with it, because up until very recently, I called my, There's this lady, beautiful lady, who I reconnected after 10 years, and then she said some really nice words, and she felt like home is when I realized that, oh my God, this is my drug. This is my drug. I am
Arthur: much
Anveshi: better when I feel held, when I feel that somebody is there backing me up from here.
And honestly, from that time onwards, the whole tendency to actually
rely
on someone or feel like looking back and, yeah I'm going on this journey alone, but yeah, I know you're there. You're there,
Arthur: right?
Anveshi: So that reliability is something that I've had too deeply ingrained in me that I'm now learning to be-
without it as well. Be self-sufficient in this particular case. So
Arthur: [00:10:00] Let's just take a pause
here, because
In m- many ways, facing the reality that things are all down to ourselves to create our dreams
it's pretty scary that,
like, it's
not a comfortable c- idea that we've gotta hold the ball and we've gotta kick it ourselves and- it's down to us. Yes. That's nerve-wracking.
That can make people feel a lot of pressure.
Oh, my God, I've got to do it. Am I good enough? I'm not good enough." Yes. Like- Yeah ...
i'm,
I'm
gonna fail, I'm gonna screw up," whatever. Yes. So there's a lot of
fear that can induce.
But I guess there's avenues and ways that we can navigate to
taking
fear away from that and thinking where is this opportunity?" And that, that brings us on to It's a great luxury to find
out what you love in life and what you're good at. The biggest luxury, right? The biggest, because it
Anveshi: you love in life and what you're good at. The biggest luxury, right? The biggest. Because it comes with freedom.
Arthur: It comes with freedom. But I don't know, I think that's probably the one, , reason why I've set up this podcast
is to [00:11:00] help,
people find that fit in a way.
How do you think people
can
Find that fit? Such an
Anveshi: thing that, where they love?
Such an interesting thing. Actually, I'm gonna tell you a - brief story about it.
The second chapter of my book talks about the biggest regret that this girl has,
and
she says, "I always wanted to... And in fact, I always dated artists. Artists like painters, filmmakers, writers so that-
So
that they can either draw me, write me, portray me in a film so that I can outlive myself. Now that I realize that I was wanting somebody else to use me as
a muse and then make me outlive myself, wherein I can do that for myself now that I know." So in one phase of my life, I fell in love with a brilliant storyteller, like a writer, filmmaker.
And we would sit and then we would talk about fictional scenarios And I would come up with such brilliant ideas. So apparently [00:12:00] it was his job to
think
quickly and create scenarios and make stories. But I then realized that I may think that I'm a very good actor. I may think that I'm a decent singer.
I've released a couple of songs, got validated . But sometimes when you have one or two skills, you don't really go beyond those things.
That
day, that time, and it happened a couple of times when we were discussing stories and I came up with some really nice plots, and the other person told me that this is actually quite brilliant, you have this skill that I don't see in a lot of people. I said, "Really? I'm gonna give it a try."
Arthur: In
Anveshi: my head, I started thinking that I'm gonna give it a try
Arthur: to
Anveshi: my writing skills as well. I'm gonna nurture this gift. I'm gonna see what happens. And in fact, honestly, back of my head was, if at all I lose this love, because that love was the best that I have ever found.
If at all I lose this love, and I used to tell this to him, "If I lose you, I'm gonna write. I'm gonna write about our interaction and the story that I have that I have [00:13:00] discussed with you.
Arthur: If
Anveshi: at all nothing, you gave me this gift of be my own muse." And funny enough, he was supposed to do some work with me, make some films together, work together.
That could not happen, and he became a gift that was maybe even more precious than that. And that came from the awareness of in your day-to-day life, if there is something that you get praised a lot by your mom, by your friends, could it be... It could be your mimicry. It could be the way you think. It could be your vulnerability, the way you think, and the storytelling that you have, or maybe the things that you draw, doodle.
It could be anything at any given point a day. And I n- understand life sometimes doesn't allow you. You have responsibilities. You've gotta make money. But I'm saying one day has 24 hours, right? You have day and night. How about you're sitting in an office working, but when you take a break, you nurture [00:14:00] that one gift.
Arthur: I
Anveshi: went to my school back again, couple of years back to just meet my school kids,
And then they said, "What's one advice you would like to give?" I said, "Guys, you're young. You have a lot of time. You don't have any responsibilities. Nurture your hobbies because that can actually become your profession
Arthur: I love that. And,
the reality is, through
fear we can
, Follow certain pursuits, professionally or, even romantically. The
reality
Is that all the people who, have a phenomenal reputation in their field, they all love what they do.
- And the reason why they've been able to do so well is because they've, worked so hard.
But
one of the reasons why they've worked so
ferociously
hard is 'cause it doesn't feel like
Anveshi: work to them. Absolutely, yeah.
Arthur: And you just see that it's, it comes easily for them. So I guess another one would be what comes easily to you?
I'm a huge believer in curiosity. Yeah. Oh. It's such a strange currency. I love it. It constantly gives you things. Yeah. And just being, okay with failure. I know not attaching your [00:15:00] self-value to the output of what you're doing.
Try
an art class.
Don't worry if it's terrible.
It's about having a go. You'll learn
something. You'll
take something from it. It's funny how,
We
can be so geared towards outputs and create metrics and,
It's almost like we, we don't measure the failure and the learnings
as a,
as a Yeah ...positive outcome. 100%, yeah.
Anveshi: You rightly said about curiosity, I think if there are...
Somebody
asked me, "What's your superpower that you count as?" I said, "One would be my curiosity, the other would be my self-awareness." They are just
very
wonderful traits to have.
Arthur: I'm seeing the list of films you've been in here.
I say list This isn't a complete list,
but-
... Gandhi Bach, which we've mentioned. Yep. Which,
m-
Made
you incredibly well-known. Martin.
Commitment.
Ramar on Duty. Dragon. Tera Chalava, yeah. Who's Your Daddy? Who's Your Daddy?
Anveshi: Who's Your Daddy?
Arthur: That sounds good. That sounds good.
Anveshi: Sounds good. That sounds good.
Arthur: Judah Film.
Anveshi: G the Film, yeah, that's right.
Arthur: [00:16:00] Gudiya
Ki
Chaali.
Anveshi: yeah ... and- These are all Indian names
Arthur: These are all Indian names
And, Boss. And Boss,
Anveshi: And Boss, yeah.
Arthur: I don't know how people get through the endless,
Rejections
To
be
in the acting world.
Anveshi: Yeah, it's hard.
Arthur: What to you are the biggest privileges of being an actress?
Anveshi: People take pride in knowing you.
They acknowledge you on the street, they acknowledge you everywhere. And then the way they See I'm always, I've alwa- I used to say this funnily because my na- my dad named me my name is very difficult to pronounce, as you are having a difficulty to pronounce. Really?
Me? I
Arthur: Who?
Me. I used to be
Anveshi: funnily saying, and this happens, like the other day, somebody called me like Starbucks, they called me Andeshi.
Arthur: So
Anveshi: anda is egg in Hin- in Hindi, right? So somebody said Andeshi. I'm like, you know what? One day I'm going to be famous enough for you to not really get confused about my name.
And then so from that space, I think there has been this liking towards being acknowledged, being seen being loved, apparently. The audiences love their curiosity on [00:17:00] me.
That's the biggest perk. And
Everywhere
you go, there are people traveling a distance to just come see you, take a picture with you- Wow
take your autograph or some kind words. And I think the biggest privilege of being an actor is that then you become validated enough, important enough to have a point of view. I always looked up to Oprah Winfrey and wanted to have my own show, start a podcast, talk about things that you talk about.
But I realized that for me
Because
I also looked a certain way, there was so much of resistance and everything else. I said, "Okay, let me just become a bit known first, and then I think it'll be easier for me to have a point of view, and then a-" Yeah ... acceptance that is, that goes beyond my own reach
Arthur: When
you're learning about these roles that,
To to act out Give us a sense of what that's
like,
Anveshi: Wow, this is interesting. In Martin, I was told that I'm playing the character of
a[00:18:00]
gangster- a gangster's girlfriend, who was also very wild and very impulsive in nature.
She'll kill and she'll not even worry about it. . So I was taking acting classes at home from
someone
who has passed out of a very prestigious college called NSD,
Pune.
Arthur: And
Anveshi: then so they would come home, and then I would first revisit my childhood. This is interesting. So there was this interesting exercise wherein these blocks represent the six stages of my life.
So from, say when I'm
three year old 'til about nine year old, and nine year old till about 15 years old, then 15 to 20, and I'm walking in each block, and I have to just relive a memory, not talk to the coach. Relive a memory, automatically feel what my body is trying to do at that age, so I am actually being that age group of my life.
And then pick up the most significant or the naturally occurring event that happens, could be happy, sad, whatever, [00:19:00] and you enact that. Then you move to the other box. Then you come and you see your whole life, and you pick up some things, keeping that role in mind. I'm not a gangster in real life, but we always have this sense of hating something, or the rebellious side of you when you were younger.
Something that is, that other people find intimidating about you or untolerable about you. You pick up those traits within you. That's how the character becomes a little bit original. For me, particularly, that particular exercise worked. And after doing that, I made notes about if I were to become a gangster when I grow up, what all needs to happen.
What all extension of
Arthur: ...The
Anveshi: emotions that I felt, what it would have taken to become this person. Sometimes it also includes imagining that your loved ones were killed in front of your eyes, and then you imagine them not being there anymore. You imagine their bodies. So it's a very harsh process, and it's not [00:20:00]necessarily need to be this hard.
But I particularly don't get very satisfied with doing things on a very surface level, and sometimes vulnerability alone cannot really make you reach,
because it's
also coming from a space of comfort zone. But when you put everything at stake... And then I also referred to Money Heist. Money Heist Tokyo, the character of that girl, the Tokyo, because I wanted my personality to be like that.
Then you watch them watch that particular character, the micro expression of the face, the body language, the attitude, the hair, the eyes. Wow. It is such an interesting... And then you pick up someone from Indian
Arthur: South
Anveshi: Indian backdrop- who's done similar kind of roles and how they really,
they, did they do something that you like?
So you pick those things up and then you make something of your own.
Arthur: Extraordinary. Yeah. Extraordinary.
Anveshi: It's a nice process.
Arthur: Was there a particularly fun moment in Gandhi Baad that you enjoyed?
Anveshi: It was so much fun.
I think the entire thing was very terrifying because it was quite bold to
do what I [00:21:00] was doing, and I was petrified of my parents and my future going forward. In fact, I told everyone that, "Please, for God's sake, don't put my name because I don't want to be known for this."
Crazy enough, honestly I used to think that I took that script, I had a choice to choose from all these scripts that was offered to me.
The fact that come from a small town, you don't know what's lesbian love is like, what two women in love look like or what physical
Sexual tension would be like.
You don't imagine that happening at all.
And then I'm in the middle of the scene, it took them so much of convincing to actually go ahead and do what I had to do.
And at
some point, I let go of all the barriers and I'm like, "Listen, this is an acting work. I'm doing the act. I have to give my all to it." And there came a point where I actually went too deep into kissing her that I actually forgot that there's a camera right there.
Yeah. And I think that's the scene that was, that made it
reach
[00:22:00] millions because I think they could feel
Arthur: the
Anveshi: Intensity that I was feeling. The other moment was towards the end of it all because I had a cheating husband because of which, because who it the, all of this started.
Arthur: So
Anveshi: in the end, we had this scene where we both are in love relationship.
She is taking care of my kid. I, we both are in
a relationship.
We are making the baby, like taking care of the baby, and the husband is actually chained. He's naked- in
the shorts, and he's chained
Arthur: and wearing a,
Anveshi: Iron chain here, and he, his job is to cook and clean.
Arthur: And
Anveshi: he's like a
pet
animal who does all the job for all of us.
The kick that we got out of that scene in the end, ah.
Arthur: We enjoyed it
Anveshi: so much.
Arthur: And you keep in touch
With
the team?
Anveshi: I do yeah. Nice.
Arthur: yeah. Amazing.
We're all
Anveshi: good friends, yes. Yeah. And they all did really well in their lives.
Arthur: Is it strange to meet people who are now, in that world? Who you used to read about maybe
as a child or, you see them on TV.
What's
that [00:23:00] like interacting with some of these people? Does it make you feel a bit strange?
Anveshi: Are you like, "Wow, honestly like you said to me, the idea
Arthur: of
Anveshi: everything is so beautiful.
And you wanna be like them. They inspire you to be like that. And some of the personalities that I have met in real life who are these big celebrities, they have that aura and they have that presence. But I also realize that not everyone the way they seem, the charm, the charisma, the, the unavailability.
I think half of the time the charm of an actor or a star is the unapproachability and unavailability. But in my own personal experience, I've met a few men that are s-
Arthur: s-
Anveshi: They are a star, yes, but I'm saying somewhere I didn't find them as charming in real life as I thought they would be.
So there's that. But it's...
it also
makes you realize that they're as human [00:24:00] as you are. Yeah. They have a side to them which is actually what's real of them. Just because they are doing 10 movies a year and you see them on screen, that's not what they are. They are as human, as normal, as capable of hurt, as capable of feeling everything that you do.
Arthur: Yeah. And
l- moving to
that, you've got, 30 million people following you. I-
. It's very validating, right? And
Your work in
lots of areas doing so well, it's very exciting. But I guess it's how we feel
on the inside that really matters,
having great signals
outside
is amazing.
How
do
you get the most sense of calm
from your
inner self?
Anveshi: As much as I wanna call myself ambitious that I am, as much as I want to achieve great things in life, I have realized it took me becoming famous, it took me sitting at home without work.
Arthur: It
Anveshi: took me losing some loved ones from my life. All of this has made me come to a realization that each one [00:25:00] of us has a compartmentalization of like if you are, your life or your choices or priorities are, they are a train, then you compartmentalize what's most important for you, what brings you most grounding.
For me, earlier I used to think it's achievements and it's all these worldly validation. It used to be the first thing. When I first moved to Bombay, I had a very small room for which I was paying a lot of rent. For I was paying so much rent for just one side of the bed. We were sleeping two people in one bed.
At that time, I had just one wallpaper that said - success and nothing less. When I became the most searched actress, having the journalist media houses follow me everywhere, waiting for me to give interviews, made me realize it didn't leave me feeling any different than I was. It didn't actually make me make a lot of friends, or it didn't ma- take away my other problems or issues.
It did fulfill a very big vacuum because I was feeling so abandoned and so unseen. So the feeling of seen the [00:26:00] feeling of being liked, and numbers, they do feel good.
Arthur: But
Anveshi: the massive support and the sense of belonging for me is the most important thing. If my family life, like my parents, my friends, everyone I love is in harmony, if I'm able to give them gifts.
My love language is gifts, word of affirmation, and spending time with them. If I'm having that in place, my world is calm. I'm okay.
Arthur: Y- you give so much,
hearing
you talk, the way you share about some of the tools that have helped you. Let's touch on the meditation.
Anveshi: Yeah.
So I do three kinds of meditation depending on what I'm really feeling like. My mind is very... My mom calls me chanchal. Chanchal means-
Arthur: Busy.
Anveshi: No, it's like hopping from one place to another. Yeah. Almost ADHD kind.
Arthur: So
Anveshi: the day that I know I'm not gonna be able to focus on a lot, when I need grounding or stability, when I'm a little bit shaken as well, I go for six phase meditation. [00:27:00] Or if I'm having some negative charge with someone, say you and I have some kind of unsaid tension that we both are not gonna talk about apparently, and it's bothering me, and I don't wanna really send you a text and let you know about those things.
I'll go for a six phase meditation. Six phase meditation has six steps, starting with connecting yourself to the world. I really wanna have international exposure in terms of my career and my ultimate goal.
I don't know what I wanna be, who I wanna be, but I know for sure that I wanna work with worldwide people in some form and capacity, and for that I need to acknowledge the world and the presence of other things is existing.
Just because I'm sitting in Mumbai in one house doesn't mean that I'm just thinking about this. So it helps you consciously share your energy.
So it
says that there is this light of love within you, and it's coming out of you. Otherwise, the meditation works in a way where you take the light of the universe and put it inside you.
[00:28:00] And you fill yourself up with that white light, and it's going in your body and it's relaxing you. This is the other thing. You think of a person or a pet that loves you the most,
feel
that energy, make an energy ball of that, and then let it come out of this, and then watch it spreading in your building.
Then watch it spreading in your neighborhood, watch it spreading in your city, in your country, then the world. Then you see a macroscopic view of the world and then that energy,
may
everyone find peace today. May their
problems be little lesser, and then it covers. So you feel connected to the world.
Similarly, there is gratitude. 10 things you can... Five things you can think of that you're grateful for.
Third
step is the most important, which is- If there is someone you need to forgive, or someone should have asked an apology for, from you, but they haven't really. So it's an act about forgiving someone who has not even apologized, for your own
Arthur: sake.
So
Anveshi: it cuts that negative charge. You close your eyes, you imagine them saying sorry, you look at their [00:29:00] face, you say sorry to them,
Arthur: and then you
Anveshi: cut that cord there of negativity. And then so on and so forth. The last step is my favorite, wherein you think of your life
Arthur: life
Anveshi: years from now, because we tend to Overestimate what we can do in one year, but we underestimate what we can do in three.
So the good parameter is take a measure of three years. Not five, not one, but three. And you visualize what all you're doing broadly. And then the last step is surrender. You imagine that universe
Arthur: in
Anveshi: a form of something that, and it has got your back.
So
when it says that it, universe has your back, I literally imagine the vast universe wherein you can't really fall off, and I'm really bouncing off that universe's support.
It's holding me, and that's extremely powerful. It barely, like 13 to 18 minutes practice does miracles.
The other one that you're talking about touching is EFT.
I learned about [00:30:00] it in one of my therapy sessions, and that really did pay dividends. It's beautiful. 10
minutes of tapping.
There are certain zones in your body that stores negative charge. For that to go, you need to just tap a little, and there is a method th- that one can find online, but it's... So you say to yourself, it's like letting your inner child know that there is someone there that will never leave. Half of the time you're feeling agitated or the behaviors that are not likable in an- in us comes from the space of insecurity of some kind, a fear of some kind, fear of abandonment of some kind.
Arthur: So
Anveshi: what is actually self-love? This affirms self-love quite literally. You say, "Even though I'm feeling this way," you're acknowledging what you're feeling. Half of the time you're brushing what you're feeling. You don't really know. You're confused because you're not sitting long enough, well enough to know what you're feeling.
But it just takes one second to know exactly what I'm feeling at this moment. Slow down.
Arthur: Even
Anveshi: though I'm [00:31:00] feeling angry, or hurt, or replaced, or broken down by someone, I completely love and accept myself. I completely love and accept myself, and you say that each time, but as you go. And towards the end, you
exhale
three times.
And then on the meter of one to 10, you measure where are you now. So from first time you start, you are, say, about stressed at eight. The second time when you do it, you would be easily around four. The third time, you will not even need to repeat it again. Most of the times it's that relaxing. It'll, like instantly how to flip your
Arthur: mood.
Anveshi: This is it So yeah, these. And then the third one is when I'm, really lazy and I have to meditate to set the tone of my day. It's 30 minutes meditation of imagining, closing your eyes, imagining your heart, and taking all your attention for 30 minutes only at your heart, and you sit with it in absolute [00:32:00] silence.
But I remember you telling me something so wonderful that blew my mind right before we started this. So I want you to
tell our audience what that is about. That blew my mind.
Arthur: Oh, yeah from my therapist I used to see. So you put your hand on your heart, and
So if you're unsure about something-
Yeah ... you put your hand on your heart, and you ask yourself
the
question of what you're unsure about, whatever it is, and you really check in.
And because you're touching yourself there,
you just... ... it's like a gateway to you
and what
feels right
to you, and it can really help you make decisions, really simple decisions. A great gateway, portal into asking ourself anything
that we want to know.
So it could be, from things that we want,
It
could even be, trying to give ourselves self-love. It's just, maybe it's just partly the physical thing of touching yourself on your heart, just so comforting. You feel
so safe, and then maybe that's why you can connect [00:33:00] to- your
truth,
what you want,
Even for
example, it's very important obviously to check in with yourself and see how you feel, but touch yourself on your heart, for example.
Anveshi: for example.
Arthur: just allows you to really zone in.
Zo- c- come into yourself and-
It's so-
and rebalance
Anveshi: beautiful. Never in my life have I heard something like this which is so instantaneously different.
It makes me feel like, if I have to metaphorically define it,
Arthur: it
Anveshi: feels like if my hand is not here, I feel like I am, like dot, little blurred image of my own existence.
And when I put my hand, I feel suddenly that I'm-
Arthur: Oh,
There. Yeah.
It's
just
Anveshi: It's just there, and it's so powerful. It feels like- This is the heart of a person I love the most This, it matters.
It's not even- So- ... inner child kind of a feeling. It's just something, I cannot define it.
Arthur: because, but there's so much that pulls you in life, ambition and, general work or
busyness. We're always on our phone,
Transcendental
[00:34:00] meditation for
me it's been the biggest game changer in my life.
But we are designed to
Just
take a step back. What else helps you take a step back? I'm
Anveshi: realizing that I'm controlling my
Arthur: breathing right
Anveshi: now. It has suddenly slowed down a little. I'm feeling my mind being relaxed. And how do you know that if EFT is working?
The tapping thing is working is because by the end of it all you're so relaxed.
Arthur: That
Anveshi: you tend to yawn.
And that's like a six steps method. Here, just by putting my hand here It's like I'm so relaxed and I'm so much at ease. It's beautiful. really nice. Thank you.
Arthur: Great. A pleasure. Yeah.
It
was a gift to me and I share
...
Anveshi: how come I have never heard about this before?
Arthur: that's the point- This is the craziest-
of why we need to, thing ... listen
to people, learn, be curious because there's so much to learn. There's so many things we don't know, and guess what? Humanity's always discovering new things. New things, Yeah. I'm a
great believer that [00:35:00] the best...
some of the happiest people, some of the, the best performers, they're
so
much better or so much
More
intelligent in certain ways , than we realize. And to your point, we touched on relationships yesterday,
I have a theory that the best relationships are so much better than people realize.
- The extent you hear about partners give to each other, it's just so much more deep than I think it's hard
to fully understand.
Anveshi: This is so true ...
Arthur: and another , a friend of mine works in a private equity business one of their learnings was so much of the value from
That
business really comes down to one individual's really
extraordinary mind
Where does that leave us?
Whoever it is maybe it's the best therapist let's find them. Let's get them on podcast and
Let's learn from them. But
Hearing you today,
like,
that's why you're here today,
To teach us all
these things.
Anveshi: No.
You
know about these thing yourself, and then it's so beautifully said.
Arthur: I
Anveshi: I think
You are able to [00:36:00] articulate things that I think I'm not able to form a sentence about. Like you said, that how much people actually give in relationship, it's such a- beautiful thing and we don't really sometimes comprehend it or get it the way it should be understood.
It's just one of the things to be actually naturally grateful about.
Arthur: Someone's
Anveshi: love.
Arthur: Yeah. It's
interesting
that
You talk about the power of gratefulness.
An area we've not talked about too much is just how... y- you studied engineering.
You've got
[00:37:00] an MBA.
These are things probably a lot of people just don't know, right? Like- It's extraordinary. I mean- hon- honestly I think about, what
you've been doing, your background. You can do anything you want. You're currently writing a book. You've got a book deal.. Casual. Really exciting topic.
Yes. You're,
. You're also working on this amazing TV
series.
Yeah. Honestly I getting to know you,
You're a woman to back. Jay Shetty's following you at the moment.
Anveshi: Yeah.
Champagne Papi is following me.
Arthur: What?
Champagne Poppy? So- Drake, yeah
Drake.
Anveshi: I met him.
Arthur: And you met him.
What's he like?
Anveshi: He's amazing. He's brilliant, one of the, one of the best people that I've met. So wise. We sat for, two, two and a half hours for lunch, and the takeaway... , he told me entirely about his journey, about his struggles, about how we are talking. He has this innate tendency to actually make people feel fine about themselves or in general.
.. He's a [00:38:00] man of depth, honestly. And then one thing he said is that I see your live sessions, and I observed you. And why are you so conscious always? You're trying to pull your T-shirt up. Y- you should be confident in your body." I said, "Hey, but I'm from India. And then because I have such a different looking body it's not very well appreciated in India sometimes."
He's just "You know what?" ... Then he told me an entire story of a friend who had the similar issue, like a bigger bust, and she then went for reduction. And then she was not happy with it, and she ended up committing suicide. He was like, "Do not do anything of that sort." . So he was so kind enough to actually have that promise from me, he's like, "Promise you're never gonna do that.
I will not allow you to do that. You're beautiful the way you are. It's just the wrong place. If you were here, you would be doing so great in music and in videos and everything, but I understand where you come from." And he offered to
Arthur: Of
Anveshi: help me out with my book, with my music, whatever I need.
And I'm like, "Okay, at the right [00:39:00] time, when there is something-" Yeah ... worthy of asking for help, I'm gonna come for it."
Arthur: Wow. I mean-
He's a
sweet guy ... that's really moving.
Yeah, he is.
Not, and he's
another artist like yourself?
Anveshi: Yeah. Okay. And no, so he...
That's one, the one thing that
he told me is that, "Let me know if there is anything I can do for you," because if not for the help that I got along the way, I wouldn't be here where I am. He said, "The person who launched me, took me everywhere to his show, allowed me to open for him, made me release songs."
Arthur: Really?
Anveshi: Yeah. It was beautiful story that he sh-
Arthur: moving, that ... to hear that And actually such an important message. For me here today, there has been a few people who I wouldn't be doing this- if it wasn't for them giving me the confidence to, "Hey, have a go." And and I don't know, I think one of the messages I think about is, things lead places.
.. No one has the
answers,
You don't know what's around the corner, but no one knows what's around the corner.
There's nothing
certain
[00:40:00] One of the common
things one sees in acceptance speeches for awards, particularly in the arts, is it's it's thank you.
It's thank you to people.
It's,
"I'm here today because of these people." Such a powerful message, that.
The importance of backing others just cannot be underestimated. Life is so difficult. We need to back people and make
things happen.
I don't know, and there's certain cultures
That certain things are really done very well. In America,
One thing I really appreciate is, i- is the optimism. People are
- Generally very positive. It's can-do. It's accept- or you fail but you learn.
And it's, "Oh, who can I introduce you? How can I be of service?" Wow.
"How can I- help you?" I- in the UK it's less like that. But what's interesting is the people- Really? It's less like that.
It's not quite the same.
If you
wanna make your dreams come true, start by making other people's
dreams
come true because then , you start to see your own opportunities unlocked and work out and see the path for you. But there's this great quote. My uncle's [00:41:00] worked incredibly hard all his life, and huge both backer of me but inspiration to me,
and
it's this great quote.
is, "If you want
To get something done, find
a
busy person
to do it 'cause they'll get it done." It's true. It, all the d-
people who get, create
these dreams and do well
Often, not always, but often they're helping others because that's just their preset,
right?
Y- you think
about it,
Anveshi: I completely agree to that.
Arthur: I bet
d-
Drake.
Anveshi: Yeah.
Arthur: Drake
if you wanna come on. Would love to meet you and, have a chat. But,
I get that he's, put
some
of his success down to people backing him, and that's 100% true. But I would place money on him being a nice guy
as
well as being talented,
And helping other people, which meant that person wanted to help him
Anveshi: I think he's just one beautifully,
Arthur: S-
Anveshi: beautiful, sensitive, vulnerable man.
Arthur: See,
Anveshi: one can have desires, choices, life of extravagance all of that is okay. But I'm saying [00:42:00] it's not just about towards me. Some people have so much love to give.
And not only that in fact, he was the one who reached out when he realized I'm in Birmingham. We have been planning to meet for about three, four years in the past, and I have not been very...
Arthur: Me
Anveshi: being me I got so afraid and intimidated and all of that, that I assumed that, why would he talk to me, and
Arthur: then-
Anveshi: all of that. So I would delay in responding at times. And then when I finally met
Arthur: him,
Anveshi: He had so much to give that if not for me, if it was somebody else in my place, a man or somebody who is just there in his vicinity, he would do everything in his power to comfort them, to take care of them, and ask them if they can do something.
And all of that is real. Honestly, all of that is real.
The very day he sent me
Two, three vans with some security,
Asked me to come to his show. You'll not believe it. I was watching him up close from the music console. And e- each five minutes, somebody would come and ask if I need [00:43:00] something.
It was such a grand gesture for someone like me, and it was so beautiful,
Arthur: But it that's really moving. But,
I
don't
know, I think it can't be underestimated life. I think most people have those moments where, they've really questioned what's ahead Yeah. But it,
there, but there's sometimes these very
small
things, someone
smiling at
you
in a nice way- in
a coffee shop. Yeah. Someone asking how you are. Yeah. That just gives you enough momentum to just get through the
day.
Anveshi: You'll not believe it. This exact thing happened, not when I - met Drake. I was in a good place when I met Drake. I was in the worst place. .. I had walked off from a movie set. I was crying in my dressing room. I was logged. People were calling me to come back on the set, but there was something so humiliating that happened that I put my foot down and I said, "I'm not gonna shoot unless you make me less objectified as a [00:44:00] woman.
Make me wear correct clothes and put me in proper dialogues and role not something that's just about looking glamorous. I'm done with it." And we had shot about more than
A year and a half with it, and I realized that movie is not really portraying me very well. I had just walked off the set and I'm feeling miserable and feeling like this is the end of my life and my career, and I was feeling like I'm a nobody of no worth And that's when for the first time, I'm not someone who check my DMs at all.
I do not. I don't really know how to. And then I go further and I see Champagne Papi's text there. And then I'm like, "Who?" For a second, I couldn't recognize and I went and I had
136
million
Arthur: followers.
Anveshi: I said, "Drake, what?" And then I was a week late to respond to that, and then I sent a text and immediately he responded.
I'm like, "How do I know it's you?" He's like, "Come on a video call." And I saw him on a video call wearing orange [00:45:00] color pullover, orange color
pant, these big diamonds. It was night in some he was in LA shooting for some vide- music video. And that lifted me up, like how? I packed my bags, I took my bag, and I left.
And I said, "Okay, life is good. It's not the end of the world, period." Because it showed me a getaway, a, a doorway that is bigger than
Arthur: that
Anveshi: bigger than that day, bigger than what my current situation
Arthur: was. Yeah.
Anveshi: It showed me I had time by my side. I had opportunities by my side. I had some unseen fortune or scenarios that, that was gonna come my way.
Arthur: What
Anveshi: a hope that was. It
Arthur: you zoom out and- Yes
we've had those
moments, right? Maybe there's a student listening to this and they've got an exam. They know they've just failed an exam, and they're just feeling like how can they possibly do well in the world because of X, Y, Z.
Jeremy Clarkson every year he deliberately talks about how bad he he did at school. Yeah. To remind those that, he [00:46:00] does this every time- Yeah ... the exam results come out to remind kids, "Don't worry about it." Obviously you wanna do as well as you can, generally, but it's, obviously life has its different dimensions.
And also, it's hard to see things,
right? ,
people aren't always easy to read. And we were talking about beauty and how people
Maybe who are , absolutely stunning,
great
looking guys or, girls, whatever,
But they don't
actually have that much confidence in their looks.
Sometimes. But the point is that, people need a lot more
love and help than meets the eye.
Yeah.
Anveshi: I could never understand the, wholesome focus on the appearance part of it. Like, how can you be conscious about whether your nose is perfect, your hair is great, or your photographic angle is good to look at, or somebody being conscious about their weight or their height for that
Arthur: matter.
Anveshi: These are the
things that can be easily overshadowed or overlooked because they're not really, in the larger scheme of things, [00:47:00] they're not really the one that's actually making tremendous change. Yes, halo effect is always in play. If you are a pretty looking boy and a girl, people automatically assume you to be more capable,
more successful, more trustworthy as well.
There is that. But also, the other things that people don't really see is that there are certain group of batch of people that are also inherently envious just because you're young, just because you are- ... you look a certain way, just because you're charming. They assume that there is something
Arthur: cunning about you.
Anveshi: There's something narcissistic about you. So there's that judgment that comes in.
Funny enough Hollywood obviously is not a testimony of it, but in India, when it comes to serious roles, and if there is not established actor People don't really go for good-looking faces. Trust me. They go for odd-looking normal-looking, absolutely normal-looking people.
They trust them more to act roles filled with depth because they would assume-
Arthur: [00:48:00] it counts against you being- Yeah,
Anveshi: like it counts against you being- Yeah, it counts so much against me, especially for the body that I have and the face that I have. It has counted against me in how I've tried to wear and do photo shoots in absolute normal looks, in a cop look or in a very simple girl who's wearing a plain white sari and not looking sexy at all.
But the fact the perception of you as a sexy woman or as a glamorous girl is so deeply ingrained that it does take away a lot of opportunities away from you. Which is why I have finally come to a point of actually utilizing that to my power and make whatever I can on that basis. Because in acting, I realize the resistance is way too much for me.
Arthur: Fascinating. Something that's super interesting is this concept of think like a child. Don't make presumptions. And it's so true with people. right? You look at people who, walking down the street, they look successful.
They look,
they're very good-looking, and you think, "Wow, they must have...
Life must be easy." Often it's so much more complicated than that. Yes. I bet
people think your world's easy.
It's not, they
do.
Anveshi: They do. They assume that. There are so many people on my Instagram, they will say that we [00:49:00] would do anything to trade my life with you because they see me free.
They see me having all the luxuries, liberties collaboration shoots, collaboration travels. I go to places for, with no expenses per se. And that all of that is true. That's one side of the coin is true. The other side of the coin... My life is overall great. The other side that is a little bit tricky is two things, and I'm very specific about that.
One is the pressure of getting married as per the norms. So my mom is constantly worried, she's walking on eggshells each day, over worrying
what'll happen, who will take her when she grow old and if she becomes more and more successful, it's gonna be even harder for, for her to find a man.
So the idea that's fed to me that don't be too much, don't grow a lot, don't make too much money, because then it'll be difficult for you to find a man who earns equivalent to you or more than you. So the [00:50:00] idea of them still wanting me to underplay myself, and that's been there for the longest time.
It took me forgiving them, letting myself know that they'll think what they think, but that doesn't have to define me. It says nothing about me. And it's not even about... So half of my life, the pain points and the therapies that I required was for
the fact that why don't my parents validate me and they see me.
I have the worldly validation because maybe I didn't get it at home. If I had enough validation from my father, maybe I would be more secure as a person. The very need of wanting to make my parents proud is gone. Gone out the window. Why? Because I see my dad, I see my mom now. They are individuals first.
They have their own life. They have their own dreams that they could or could not fulfill. Very different things. When you start to look at them as, as individuals and not as your parents, you tend to see them with more humility and kindness, and that's the vision I got, and then the, that made [00:51:00] me fall in love with them so much, and that released me from that trauma- of wanting to be what they want me to be. Yeah.
Arthur: Yeah.
Anveshi: Second is I'm okay if I'm progressing slow, as long as I know I'm doing the best that I can. Off lately, last couple of years, I have not been able to put in the work that I need to put in. So my own growth, my own sense of satisfaction comes from my own efforts, and I'm not able to bring myself to get to that point of effort.
So maybe I'm not able to see it. Writing a book takes everything that you have. Everything. And when I started writing that book, I was going through a heartbreak. And I did not write it accidentally. I knew I'm gonna make this the biggest thing that I've ever done in this phase of my life. It could be a wrong time to choose because a lot of people told me, "You're young now.
If you will shut yourself down and not take up projects and not do work and not be visible on social media, that'll
Arthur: will
Anveshi: your relevance to half." [00:52:00] I didn't really care
Arthur: because,
Anveshi: It's important to attend that pain point, that craft, that arts that's, that art that's coming to you no matter how hard, no matter if you have money or not.
But
Arthur: I think, yeah, it's funny
with advice. Advice, everyone has things that they're happy to say. And actually, when you check
in with yourself, and be like, How do I feel about that advice? And,
Anveshi: and I mean- I feel like I've done the right thing
Arthur: I've done the right thing ...
you know that you've done the right thing. right? always know. That's the reality.
Anveshi: And in desperation it has happened so that I have taken steps, decided to do work that I'm not okay with. Deep down I've known it's like deceiving yourself, if at all. For example,
I always said that if I ever go on a reality show, that would be the end of my faith in me
Arthur: because then that
Anveshi: is an easy way out, where I'm trusting other people or controversy or playing with my life to actually get me in the spotlight again. [00:53:00] And so when I started writing the book, and even though I'm reworking on it and I see there's a scope of improvement, I
Arthur: feel
Anveshi: the kind of piece of work that I'm putting out there, it's gonna make such a tremendous difference in people's lives and
Arthur: in my own.
Anveshi: This is it. I've never felt so strongly about... I thought I felt like that about my music, but as I said, realization that I can be a great storyteller came just about one, one and a half years ago. I started a narrative series calling it Main To Museebat Hu, which means I'm the trouble. That cumulative series was shot on the mobile phone without even a tripod.
It has about 70 million views. That tells you something. Nine episodes, 70 million views. First episode has 28.1 million views. Tells you something, that I'm good. It validates me So
Arthur: that's
Anveshi: how I say that maybe now is when I have found something worth living, worth showing my world. So I'm not all about just [00:54:00] hot body and looking sexy.
There's a lot more, but for some reason it has not really come through online, on my socials for some reason. I don't have the reason why. Could be lack of team, lack of planning, lack of guidance there. But the fact that the personality and overall things that I have to offer, you have to offer, it'll always spill.
It'll always spill through your stories, through your sexiness, through your
Arthur: conversation- yeah ...with people, through your podcast. And that's what's interesting about people, right? If you're lucky enough to get to
the point where you don't care what people think-
You, you back yourself, you back your intentions if people want to judge you on, based on some of the impressions that you might give, that's up to them. It's on them at the end of the day, right?
I love the way that you
share that your faith in the right people will see you for the right qualities and your singing, would you like to share a few lines- ...
that you find meaningful?
Anveshi: I'd love that. Ah, that's nice i'm thinking which song to sing now. Okay. I could sing English tracks as well, just that I'm bad with lyrics.
Arthur: Hindi is
Anveshi: wonderful. But Hindi is wonderful, I feel. Yeah, I feel, I [00:55:00] agree.
this is a love song about one person telling the other person that other than you, there is nothing
Arthur: that I adore
Anveshi: and worship but you. This is the context of the song.
आपका अरमा, आपका नाम मेरा तराना और नहीं। इन झुकती पलकों के सिवा दिल का फसाना और नहीं जचता ही नहीं आंखों को कोई। दिल तुमको ही चाहे तो क्या कीजिए। ओ मेरे
Arthur: दिल
Anveshi: के
Arthur: चैन
Anveshi: चैन आए मेरे दिल को दुआ कीजिए। Thank you.
Arthur: Thank [00:56:00] you so much.
Really-
Anveshi: That
Arthur: was Really lovely
Anveshi: that I
Arthur: I picked. Yeah, really lovely.
What's one thing you want for yourself going forward
Anveshi: For once I want it to be easy for me. The acting projects the movies that come my way can look at me for the personality that I have and the depth that I carry, not just the body or the breasts that I have, honestly, for once. And give me a fair chance that I deserve.
So this is one thing that I ask from the universe. Or maybe just fucking kickass the very kickass role that's just meant for me, designed for a sexy woman like myself, who's a diva on screen. Diva. Kill it. That would be the best bet. The other thing that I really want from myself is to finally be able to find team, like-minded people, and get the vision on screen that I have.
Because [00:57:00] that's 100% sure shot thing that's gonna work.
It's gonna work. So I'm... I just want to get it done quickly before I take off to France. Yeah, that's my goal.
Arthur: Thank you so much for today.
It's been wonderful.
Anveshi: It's been wonderful. It's been wonderful. Thank you so much, Arthur. I loved it.
